The Truth of Zor

Liberty, fraternity…and something else. I know there was something else but for the life of me I cannot remember what it was.

My hand itches to google it, but I resist.

Just the googling bit mind you. I am still going to sit here in front of my system for the next couple of hours.

The glare from the screen hurts my eyes. Everytime I close it I can see it’s white image burned into my retinas. I wonder why don’t I just switch it off.

And do what? I ask myself. There is nothing to do and no one to do anything with.

Oh I know that is just fucked up.

In fact I just read an article which told me how fucked up I am.

What it exactly told me was that the internet was driving me insane.

Not me specifically (I have other sources for personal confirmations) , but driving all internet users insane.

Grand and “scary” words were used in the article.

Researchers were shocked, the statistics were eye opening, the results stunning.

This sort of thing always gets to me.

Why are researchers always so shocked? Especially when they find the results they are looking for?

If I start digging a well, I am not shocked that I hit water. Actually I would be shocked if I didn’t strike water.

This is relative of course. In cities like Bangalore and Chennai, with water shortage being what it is nowadays, if I strike water when I dig a well I would have to move the slider from ‘shocked’ all the way up to ‘fucking amazed’.

But I digress.

The point is that such articles always bring an image to my mind -

Several researchers are huddled around a printer, starring as the results came flying out of it.

When the last sheet comes out, someone takes up the paper with trembling hands and announces the results in a quivering voice.

Pandemonium proceeds to set up shop.

Some researchers fall to their knees and begin praying. Others burst into tears amidst cries of “oh my god!” and “oh no!”.

Somewhere in the background one researcher is projectile vomiting and someone just swooned, rumpling in a heap on the floor.

And in the corner, one lone, nervous, sweaty recorder or journalist or whoever is taking notes, stares at the scene in numb disbelief and scratches – “the results were shocking” in the official record.

And that is how the findings were reported.

Anyway that’s how I imagine it.

The reality is probably duller but I like my version. At least it gives meaning to the word shocking.

Besides, what were they expecting to find anyway?

Everything they say we already know -

Lonely people use the net more

Depressed people spend all their time online

People like their online avatars better than the real world

The net is addictive

It’s all old news.

What I really want to know is the mental health of these researchers frankly.

Here they are researching something that everyone knows. They probably spent years in that lab, ignoring their friends and family, depressed, hating the world and looking for validation for the research they are doing.

They avoid social contact and somehow come to believe that their research is more relevant to the world than real things – like finding that cure for cancer.

Heck I suspect in a few years we may see another article –

Researching driving us insane?

Shocking results have shown that research is addictive. Crazed and depressed researchers can be seen stalking the halls of institutes asking questions like – “Did you enjoy your morning coffee? Can i research how much you enjoyed that coffee? Oh please let me research it. This is the last time I swear. Just one more research! I promise! I have it under control!”

But I digress.

The internet is not driving me insane. I am doing that to myself.

Every minute I have access to the knowledge of the world. There is so much to know and see and do. And every minute I am bombarded with a million bytes of information. The information is not affecting me by itself – the human brain is perfectly capable of processing this amount.

No,I am driving myself insane because I refuse to accept that the promises the information shows can never be true, not in the real world, not as long as I sit here looking at the promises instead of doing something, .

The promise of epic times that could be had. The promise of beautiful views from mountain tops that can be seen, the promise of fun things and cool things and weird things and odd things that I could be doing.

The promise that women will do all the things this video shows me.

The promise that my every word and every thought could be the toast of the town.

The promise that my every friend could like me, every acquaintance could be thrilled to know, the promise that every girl could love me.

There promise that everyone, everywhere is happy. Or if not happy, at least they are interesting. And I could be too.

But I am not. I could be. But I am not.

Real life is dull. And thrives on routine. Real life can never fulfill all the promises that the internet makes me.

Because even if it does, it will never be quite as wonderful as the it was for that one guy who made that one video that got a billion page views.

My awesomeness will be seen by what, two, three of my friends. And maybe my mother.

This may be real. But the allure of the promises given by the internet feels better to me.

I know it’s all fantasy. I know it not true. But I choose to believe it. I am doing this to myself and I will never stop.

Humans have always been this way. Whether it is religion – where the world we live in is not as important as the promise of heaven, or space exploration – where an alien world will always be better than the Earth.

It is in our nature to stretch beyond what is given to us, to always seek that which we can never have. We have always lusted after something which we can only dream about.

And it has always driven us insane. But only the insane and the obsessed will push beyond what is handed to us. We are the descendants of the first insanity which thought “let us get off these damn trees and try walking”, and our children will be the product of our madness.

The promise is as old as humanity itself.

The internet is just the old promise, in a new bottle.

But I digress.

For all that I know I have completely lost my bolts and this is the just the justification I like giving myself so that I can spend more time on Facebook stalking my ex instead of going out there and trying to find a new companion.

Ah well.

I may as well google that damn phrase.