WARNING:I am going to assume the only reason this film is called ‘Grand Masti’ is because during the title song, it sounds like a hundred people shouting “Gaand Masti’. If this caused you to smile, only then will you care about this film.
We are told that Indians are a gentle, flowery sort of people whose petals would blush and burst in to flames if exposed to all this saaaaxxxxx business. Chi chi chi.
Which is a lie. But it makes certain Indians feel good about their lack of a sex life (I am not a fat, old, disgusting sort of person hopeless with the other sex, I am ‘moral’).
But if you spend any time in school/college/office/building/street/where-ever-two-Indians-meet, you will quickly, and sometimes while cringing, be stripped of all such notions – along with your innocence, moral compass and possibly sense of humour.
This interesting duality between those who claim to speak for India and those who actually live in real India, can be rather strikingly seen through the simple fact that when ‘Masti’ released waaaaaaaay back in 2004, it was one of the few ‘adult’ comedies in Bollywood.
Nowadays, in the heady era of ten years later, we are slightly more open about sex jokes.
But it is clear that we are still absolutely kings of making HORRIBLE double-meaning comedies (which seem to mostly involve making fun of homosexuals). And we are still far, FAR behind in making an actual sex comedy.
With that in mind, I give you a line from this trailer –
Mother: “Theek se hilaya?” Father (holding a milk bottle): “Jaab se paapu paida hua hai, main hilane me expert ho gaya hu”
Not GOOD good. But hey, I chuckled.
For this is exactly the sort of line I expect my friend to tell me when we meet after the birth of his child.
Which is the only appeal that ‘Grand Masti’ is going to have.
These are the horrible HORRIBLE PJs that you and your friends used to crack in college.
Now they are on the big screen and being spouted by these three other guys, who are such horny, pathetic, slimy losers, that you hope and pray that you were never like them. (While secretly getting a sinking feeling that you probably were.)
Before we get to the actual plot and trailer, let me make one thing clear – these jokes are about a good five years behind the kind of jokes that any average 10-year-old paapu is happily (and shamelessly) sharing in 6th standard.
But they still gave me chuckles – so either I am the target audience, or I need to grow up.
Let us begin –
The trailer begins right off the bat with the SEX (Actually since this in STILL India, just a bed moving and plenty of ‘roses-kissing-behind-trees’ innuendo. Why? Reasons!) , giving you fair and open warning that this is the kind of film you can expect.
If any of you remember the original Masti trailer, this was the hook for that film as well – we are about sex and we aren’t ashamed to say it.
What is truly odd however, is that even now, in 2013, they still can have the same hook and it STILL makes sense.
Somethings are different obviously. They proudly declare that this one is going to be bigger, bouncier…errr…well you get the idea.
All of this before they actually get to the plot – worrisome.
So what IS the plot anyway?
It…is….the same…as the last time – Three horny, frustrated husbands decide to pull a caper to get them some hot ladies – and things go to shit from there.
Alright – Masti was such a sleeper hit, I guess the makers of the film were too nervous to actually fuck (get it?) with a working formula.
This a round up of practically the biggest flops in Bollywood, all of whom can only act in comedies, and even then only at a level slightly higher than bottom of the barrel.
It’s been 10 years since the last flick (and it feels like it has been that long since Aftab and Riteish even had a film – though they gamely do release one film a year. Who would have thunk??). So the actors certainly look their age – and in the uber-cool entrance for the trailer, they certainly look like the oldest homosexuals in the film.
These three are apparently going to go to a college reunion and totally get laid. That’s their ‘grand idea’ anyway.
Firstly – Where the FUCK is that college? I am mean look at it. Even Karan Johar would blush before trying to pretend THAT palace is a college in one of his films.
Secondly – If three men, looking like our heroes, even entered the road in which a college is situated, the police would be called and molestation charges filed just as a matter of principle and student safety.
But I guess I am being bad because I am letting logic come in the way.
So fuck it, whatever.
These three morons are in the college, they meet the required number of absolute floozies to go try and put their penis in, they are half-naked the required number of times that a film like this demands, and they shout on cue – there is your film.
Oh, and there are several dick/erection related scenes. That is practically a law for such films now.
The jokes are old. Some quite old actually. And many of them are outright copies from Hollywood legends like American pie and Austin Powers.
This does not necessarily make them unusable mind you, since the majority of India’s film watching audience will not have seen those films. It is just slightly disappointing.
I mean come on, just take a trip around Mumbai and give any one who can tell you a good non-veg joke 100 Rs and by the end of the day you will have enough to make several movies. Do you have to copy the old ones?
Of the three leads I only have faith in Riteish Deshmukh, who has proven time and again that comedy, a certain type of it anyway, is his strongest suit in the acting deck.
And it seems like the makers of the film know that as well, since he gets the best scenes/lines.
Now the only thing to fear is the ultimate question – Are these the best jokes of the film?
I certainly fucking hope not.
But having seen the orignal Masti, I have some faith. Let’s see.
Anyway considering what we have had to put up with lately, let us just be grateful no one is speaking in a Tamil accent. (At least in the trailer.)
Film: Grand Masti (Masti part 2)
Release Date: September 13